As you get older, you learn a lot of stuff. Unfortunately for me, I've learned that I'm a moron at times, but I've gotten stronger and smarter.. I am 30 years old, never been married (which with my track record with guys is a DAMN good thing!) don't have any children, which again considering the useless wad of flesh my ex's are is a good thing. I've learned how easily someone can take an outgoing, independent, charismatic girl, and turn her into a weak, spineless, self esteem lacking, pile of goop. I've learned that someone who's biggest ambition is life is to get high and F**k other women, is really bad in bed, and has no self esteem himself and will amount to nothing. I've learned that I love for the wrong reasons. Correction, I loved for the wrong reasons, but i wont make those mistakes again. I've learned a cheating jackass who doesn't care about anyone but himself, never will change, period. Not that all men that cheat always will, there are a few that have/can change. Someone who can tell you 4 different stories about the same scenario, will never tell you the truth. Someone who would steal from his own mother, then blame her for how his is, is the lowest form of life and will not think twice about stealing things from the woman he supposedly loves. I've learned that in order to be happy with someone else, I first have to be happy with myself. I've learned that even though I a struggling with my self esteem and my ability to believe in myself, that I am still worth a damn. I learned that, yeah I am beautiful, despite my flaws (Re: Fat, haha) I have learned that I have a small amount of friends who truly care about me, and that love me regardless of the stupid things I've done, who will forgive me my mistakes and retarded spells and love me for who i am. For the knowledge that those few are there, I am eternally grateful and I love them dearly and I apologize for being so stupid, and swear on myself that I will do whatever I can to improve my life, even on days like today when I feel so damn down on myself) So, to Di, Ruben, Q, Craig, Derek, Charlie,Samantha, Micah, Ashlee, Regie, BIG DADDY-O Dave, and a few others, thank you for supporting me loving me and always being there for me in your own ways and most importantly for never giving up on me, even when i had given up on myself and disappeared for a while. I love you guys with all my heart, really and truly.
Let's see what else have i learned... that its hard to go from having so much that you worked your ass off for your whole life taken away in spurts over a year and a half, losing money, ruining your almost perfect credit, having your car taken, your happiness destroyed, those are all things that take a long time to get back. I know because i am just starting that journey again. I gave up everything i had for someone who only stabbed me in the back, and everyone else he supposedly cared about. But, I KNOW that I deserve better, one day will find better, and am better than that. I have worth, I have ambition, I have determination, I have a killer support system and I have enough of my mothers stubborn streak in me to make it all work for me in the end. I've been depressed off and on, I've had days where I hadn't a care in the world. Today was one of the bad days. But the more I out out there the better I feel....I'm feeling better already... Now I just need a hug and I'd be right as rain..