things..

Ok....
So this is the sticky part.... Ruben... He tells me that I never gave him a chance.... And goodness knows I've wanted to give hima chance since I first talked to him.... Then he acts distant and odd... then a few days ago he says out of the blue in a conversation that i "should've come to tx, we could've figured out how to get you to cali later if you wanted".. not only did my jaw drop, but I felt like i had been kicked in the side... Today he gets online and says look what i got and up pops a webcam request... we spent 3 hours online gabbin online and him being goofy on the webcam for me.. SMILING... laughing with me and at me,lol.. being goofy and funny and sweet.... Oh god i love that man... so damn much... he keeps hinting at me moving to tx,lol... i dunno what to do.... why do things have to be so damn complicated?? WHy can't he just tell me what he wants? Grrrr..... he was so cute on the webcam, he was running around the apartment showing me stuff, it was so cute... He turned the cam around to show me something on the screen and i see my messenger window on his screen, you know what he has my name listed as? it says "Lilo" which is creepy because on mine his is Stitch... He drew an angry face on the tip of his finger and would have it just under the camera lens, then pop it up real quick then drop it back down... it was too damn funny... he has such a gorgeous smile... He's not been feelin well and he looked sleepy as hell so i told him, go to bed baby we can talk later, and he said, not yet i'm having fun i just wanna stay up and talk to you a bit longer....goodness.... ok.... I just need to step back from this and breathe and think about what i really wanna do... Right? I love him, but am i really ready to make that big a move for a man again, even if the man is My Ruben? I just wanna grab him, kiss him and look him in the eye and ask him what he wants... and I can't because i'm here... and he's all the way over there.... Ugh....